full image - Repost: Can’t keep going (from Reddit.com, Can’t keep going)
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I’m a 19 year old high school drop out with no real friends. I stream on twitch for the odd 1 or two viewers but spend most of my days talking to nobody in chat trying to network post YouTube videos Instagram clips and find people online to play tournaments with, I’m not amazing but I’m kinda good I just have a lack of motivation because of the amount of work I put in with no recognition. When I’m not streaming I work in a kitchen, or I did. I have had multiple jobs in kitchens but they always fall apart for their own reason. The recent one was because the boss didn’t ever let me in the kitchen even though I made it clear that’s the only position I wanted only taking server as a way to show I’m willing to work. When I quit I tried streaming again but honestly at this point I don’t think I can keep going. My days fucking suck I don’t even really stream any more and whenever the day is done I feel so shitty because I didn’t but when I stream nothing happens I just play by my self get some new clips to post then go to bed groggy and tired it just feels like I’m running in circlesIt doesn’t help that my relationship life is non existent. Every time I try with a girl after a few months they decide I’m not worth it. They tell me I don’t have my life together, funny thing is they will gladly take me when things are good. “Just gimmie a call when your better” so I start to struggle and things are bad and you leave me at my lowest to grind day in and day out when all I want to do is be there everyday but I’m only good enough once I make it work…I just feel so empty like nobody sees my worth…The only people who get to really know know me tell me the same thing..There’s somthing wrong with me …But I feel normal I just wanna love and be loved That’s all I have ever wanted And I’m not aloud to and it’s making me so angry and I’m scared I’ll do something to hurt someone or my self I know I have already greatly ruined things but I’m stuck in this boring loop day in and day out and I feel my self becoming more angry every day I fear I may continue to ruin things
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