full image - Repost: Should I (20F) ghost my friend (21M) for lying to me about cheating on his girlfriend while having a crush on me (from Reddit.com, Should I (20F) ghost my friend (21M) for lying to me about cheating on his girlfriend while having a crush on me)
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I have known this guy from highschool, we were classmates for 2 years. We've been keeping in touch ever since (2+ years), even though he studies in another country.We've never been very close, but I always saw him as very sweet, honest, and caring person. When we were in highschool, he dated a girl he seemed to love a lot and talked about her in the sweetest way. He also looked out for me.After we finished highschool, one of our classmates (M19 at the time) started stalking me. My friend kept in touch with him, made sure to calm him down and stop him from contacting me. I didn't even have to ask, he helped me for seemingly no reason and I'm still thankful for what he's done. It lasted for about a year (2020 autumn - 2021 summer)One day in winter 2020, my friend messaged me saying his girlfriend had left him. He sent a few very long messages about how heartbroken and confused he was, how his girlfriend left him because he "wasn't a good enough boyfriend" and "didn't try hard enough", even though he "did his best". He also told me I was the first and only person to hear this and kept repeating how honest he is with me, how I'm the only person he's actually able to talk about this with, and how thankful he was for me. He asked me to keep all this a secret between us. I was a little confused as to why he's messaging me about this - I never thought we were that close - but I obviously listened and consoled him, as he seemed to need help.Anyways, this summer (2022) I've learned something about him that changed my whole perception of him. We met up once and he confessed that he used to have a massive crush on me twice: once when we were in highschool and he was still dating his ex, the second time immediately after they broke up. I believe he only told me that to comfort me (I was a whiny bitch and he wanted to make me feel better about myself), but it didn't sit right with me because I have a boyfriend (M23) and the friend ended this crush conversation very suddenly, almost as if he still has feelings for me. I tried to meet up with him again as he promised me we will, but he was clearly avoiding that - even though we chatted about random stuff, he acted as if he doesn't see the messages inviting him to meet up.After a while, I was talking to another of our ex classmates, also a common friend. Somehow his name came up in the conversation and I learned something I wasn't supposed to: apparently the real reason his girlfriend left him was because he got drunk at a party and cheated on her. All the stuff he told me about him trying hard but not being enough was a lie.So to sum this up: the friend who I always saw as caring and nice had a crush on me while dating his girlfriend, cheated on her, and then messaged me immediately after his girlfriend left him with the sole purpose to lie to me about him being a good boyfriend. All of his tales of how he's "honest with me" and how "I'm the only person he can tell this to" were just lies, preventing me from contacting anyone and learning the actual truth.I feel betrayed, manipulated and hurt, I can't trust him anymore and can hardly see him as a friend.Confronting him seems like a bad idea: he shouldn't know our common friend told me his "secret", and I don't really know what I would say. I'm thinking of ghosting him quietly (unfollowing him on social networks and giving him a cold shoulder if he ever messages me), but knowing that all of our interactions were only nice and the lying part happened about 1.5 years ago, it would probably seem out of the blue. Also, he helped me to get rid of my stalker and with many other things, so ghosting him seems a little too rude. I wonder what would be the best way to go about it?TL;DR: Recently learned that my friend (M21) cheated on his girlfriend (F23?) and lied to me (F20) about it because he had a crush on me. I feel manipulated and thinking about ghosting him.
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