full image - Repost: Advice for Mid-30s Married Crypto Millionaire with Kids and Regrets? (from Reddit.com, Advice for Mid-30s Married Crypto Millionaire with Kids and Regrets?)
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Deeply unsatisfied with my life in a lot of ways, which I will explain below.The main thing I am looking for are people currently in a situation similar to me, or who were previously in a similar situation and made some big adjustments (like divorce) that paid off.Going to try and keep this short. Have thought about posting something for years, but it is always a mile long and no one is going to read that. (Hell, reviewing this after writing it, it probably still is far too long.)The situation I find myself in now is enough money to sustain my family's current level of living, but not enough to really *DO* anything, which at this point, I don't even know what I want to do anymore. (And another note after finishing this post: it took me more days than I care to admit to type this all up, so I probably don't even have time or motivation anymore to do anything even if I figured out what I wanted to do :P)Let me tell you my history and regrets along the way, so that you can understand where I am coming from. And yes, upfront, I realize that a lot of what I am going to talk about are inconsequential issues compared to some of the real problems out there. But I can't change how I feel, I've tried for years, and I haven't found anyone who has or had similar feelings, either in real life or online.And ultimately, finding similar people is my goal. If anyone wants to hurl some hate or the ever-present "get a therapist" advice, feel free to, I don't mind. But I am writing to hopefully appeal to those hypothetical people that may reach out with actionable advice or at least share ways they are coping with a similar situation.My first big regret is not going to a better undergraduate college. And this isn't a case of oh I got into a top 3 school but went to a top 50 school instead boo hoo. I got into a lot of great schools, including Ivy Leagues, but instead went to a local, regional, rural, and crap rank (like sub 1000) school for free and the promise of extra money, which only lasted for a bit. (Oh, and I grew up in the middle of nowhere as an only child, may as well throw that in.)On some level, the college decision I made completely invalidated the first 18 years of my life. There was no reason to waste so much time being the "smart kid" to go where I went, nor to do stupid things like go out of district for "better academics," probably at a high social cost. And in hindsight, this "free" college was certainly the most expensive one, since it has impacted everything since, like missing out on those "lifelong friendships" you're supposed to gather in school or, hell, even my dating pool.In college I met my first girlfriend, now wife. (Yes, I'm one of those losers.) While my wife has a lot of great attributes, especially evident now as a mother, I really do feel I made way too many concessions and married down in a lot of ways. Was reflecting recently, and there are probably other women I could have been with, certainly more attractive ones with more "fun" personalities and less depressing families, so that I could have built up a reservoir of good memories early on with them to tap into now as I'm entering a part of my life when regrets are becoming more pronounced.It didn't help that my parents, especially my mother, went full narcissist or I don't even know what to call it during my first year of undergrad. Again, my fault for not moving further away. But they treated my wife like shit and I don't know if they would have treated all women like this or if it was just my wife, I don't know. And of course this was a small school, so the playbook is that essentially everyone paired off super quick, so there were certainly fears associated with just being alone or making even more concessions on who I was with.I wasn't spared from my parents' vitriol either, and they suddenly started demanding constant visiting and calling. My nonreligious and semi-alcoholic father had a big "honor thy father and mother" spell for no reason. It was just madness all around. I felt like I was being punished for no reason, especially since I was already coming to terms with feelings that I had forfeited my potential in some way from my stupid decision to try and save money as a 18 year old.Again, trying to keep this somewhat short. My initial plan for undergrad was to go to law school, but early on I started to see bad stuff on the market for that and it just seemed risky. Left college with a useless business degree and a useless government job, which I also worked at almost full time during college since I quickly gave up on any stupid ideas of doing multiple liberal arts degrees and just did the bare minimum academically, while also working on lame side hustles and so on. 2008 crash also happened early on in college for me, so it was fun watching the like $30k or so I had saved up in high school (which I was worried about colleges "taking" in financial aid calculations) get cut in half in the general market. And then I of course graduated into a weak labor market from a garbage non-target school for anything interesting.I don't know what I had when I left undergrad. Maybe close to $100k? Anyway, got external fellowship funding for me and my wife to work towards PhDs at my crappy state's R1 flagship. We both started on masters. Inspired by how much a horrible accounting professor I had in undergrad was paid to barely work while also being an outright ass to students, my plan was to get a PhD and work at a similarly crappy school to the one I had just attended, while working on my own projects on the side. Seemed reasonable. And I wasn't even going to be an ass like the professor that inspired me was, just at worst maybe an easy teacher.Anyway, if I talk about how much of a shit show my grad school was, I'll be here forever. Just awful professors, useless classmates, zero connections, no mentors, etc. Just like undergrad, except the professors were more overpaid and more egotistical. Hated it all, and oh, I didn't get into the unranked PhD for even more bullshit reasons. So there I was, after multiple years of grad school and multiple masters degrees (long story), probably more unemployable and thinking I should have just stayed in my pointless government job.It was around this time my parents ground salt into the wound of them not being willing to spend any money on undergraduate college for me, since my mom paid cash for a luxury SUV.Luckily (at least from a financial perspective) I got into crypto in late 2013. Shortly after, I started teaching online at colleges as an adjunct, which I had planned on doing during my PhD anyway to bring additional money in. Crypto was one of the first times in my adult life I was really excited and interested about something, at least for a bit. Got into one group where I talked about crypto for hours daily. Bear market and also being cut out of a major project sort of killed that group for me.Was married by now. Just seemed like a natural progression. Going into grad school I probably made a mistake and bought a house, thinking I'd be in the area for a few years if I did a PhD. Maybe I was just in a state of inertia by this point. Anyway, still live in the area; perhaps I would have moved if I hadn't bought the damn house.Oh, and I got my parents into crypto too. What's funny is they are so "penny wise, pound foolish" that they didn't want to move their money from the scammy insurance guy who sold them on some crap investments due to a $50 transfer fee until I found out he charged a 5% load. They are millionaires now thanks to me, and trying to save that $50 transfer fee probably cut their crypto returns in half. (Not that they care, just like they don't care that they shortchanged me for life by not being willing to spend a dime on my undergraduate school.)Sort of lingered in crypto until 2017 when I got into another group. This time it was even bigger with many professional people with PhDs and good jobs and a lot of prior crypto experience. 2018 peak, these guys easily had hundreds of millions on paper. Really thought this group could turn into something, like a venture fund or the like. Nothing happened. Just a bunch of completely useless people ultimately. Hell, they even lost tens of millions in ICOs and were too lazy to ever try to recover any of it, and constantly attacked me when I brought it up, even though I offered to help fund any legal actions.So I just lingered again, but at least I had cashed out some and was still working. Also had my first child around this time. Was it inertia again? Guilt that I had spent up most of my wife's youth and she wanted to be a mother? Who knows; I could afford it at least.That group was dying in the 2018 crash, but 2020 to now, and it's completely dead, even with the insane rise (and fall) of crypto prices. Hell, some of these people I have known for almost a decade at this point and trying to talk to them about anything is impossible. They just don't talk or they talk about the most utter banal nonsense. And I know some of them are in similar life situations to me, so they just must not have this same heavy feeling I do or are able to successfully ignore it.And on some level, given my dogshit real life social network due to missing out on crafting a good one in undergrad, grad school, marriage, or a career, I feel like this group in particular was my last "big chance" to be a part of something. And honestly, if I can't get at least one connection out of all these dudes where we all lost tens of millions on crypto crap together, then there isn't any hope for me. And I didn't even want "best buddies for life; here, borrow my wife." Just like some frigging people to talk with on actionable ways to grow and preserve money in this crazy climate we are in. Maybe people with a little more introspection and wondering about the nature of the world and reality and "what does it all mean, man?"I know there are some groups on Reddit like FatFIRE, but I've lurked there before and feel out of place. A handful of millions is meaningless on there and I don't really have any earnings potential. I did okay teaching online. I had maybe two years where I broke $100k. But I legitimately only "cut and paste" as an instructor and barely did anything beyond busy work, because you are paid peanuts to teach canned courses, so even with a lot of half-assing, the hourly rate still isn't that great. Crypto is the only place where I have any real "experience," but I don't know how to code or do anything, and am really only an expert at losing money. And at this point, I'm jaded on the space. Like sure, I'd be happy to take on some plum crypto consulting jobs or the like, but I have no idea how to get into that area and feel like I would lack the cachet to be appealing to anyone anyway.I've tried a bunch of discords/telegrams/paid online groups since 2018 just looking for people to talk to in a wide variety of topics, not just money ones. Hell, even some occult/esoteric groups. Nothing. So that's why I'm here now asking for...I don't even know what I'm asking for.On some level, I know my life is now more or less fixed unless I do something radical like get a divorce. Bought a bigger house during covid in preparation for another child, but that was just a few minutes from where we lived before, and now with mortgage rates where they are, buying anything in a different state and doing a big move, and also getting the equivalent space we have now, that's easily over a million dollars. And hell, I even had to have my parents cosign the mortgage loan I have now since all my adjunct teaching dried up during covid. And we may be on the verge of another recession or even worse, so why take the risk now when I have my living costs under control?And where would we be moving to? Doesn't really matter the state, cause it will just be the fucking suburbs again, surrounded by other parents who may never have anything interesting to say. At this stage of my life, I have a friend group of zero, and honestly it isn't for lack of trying. I can give plenty of examples if I want to take up more time of going out of my way ever since high school for people that I honestly didn't even like that much in hindsight, but hey, that's all that was available to me.And really, I don't even see the point anymore. I've done some social things with potential parent friends in the past, like board game nights or whatever, but now that they are onto kid two or more, they don't even have time for their boring ass board game nights. Which okay, fine, but they are also now so strapped for time they can't even bullshit online in text for a bit? Forgot about it; not even worth the squeeze. And it's not like any of these people can do anything to help me beyond pass the time in ways that I find utterly soul crushing.I don't know. I think things would have been far better for me at least in keeping my mind off how lame everything in the real world is if the stupid crypto group I was in had made a venture fund or something like that to intelligently manage their own money. Now I'm just adrift. And there's nothing really to do to change the status quo beyond making more money, but I've already lost enough money trying to make more of it. So really, I'm just at a point of saying fuck it and giving up. But like I said, I am not really rich enough to do anything in the West, but hell, I could probably leave with at least one million or so in a divorce and have some fun overseas for a bit if I wanted to go that route.Or maybe I should just try more local useless real life groups. I liked the networking thing I went to a few times where my only goal was to get a banker to talk to me about investment property loans before rates got jacked to hell. I mean bankers are the only people who would come to these useless things, right? And oh, I met plenty of bankers, but honestly I now know more about everyone's ex-wives than anything else. Again, my expectations were too high I guess, just like with everything else in my life...Maybe next time I'll just try to find someone to have an affair with. And honestly, I am so angry that it would probably be easier for me to do that than anything I've actually ever tried to do in my life.I could go on, but this is already getting beyond "too long, didn't read" lengths and I really want to get more than the usual "get a therapist" comments I see all over Reddit on stuff like this. And again, I'm not just looking to complain. I sincerely want to find people who currently are or have been in similar situations or mental spaces like mine and who can give me advice or at least commiserate with me. I don't even really know how to conclude this. I guess thanks for your time if you got to the end, even if you mainly skimmed my life story :)
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