full image - Repost: Can someone explain to me why I am so scared to move out? (from Reddit.com, Can someone explain to me why I am so scared to move out?)
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Looking for advice, as like many others in this group my support network is, no one and the internet.Ive been waiting for this moment for like umm my whole life? Im 22, and I was always counting the days till I can move out. Ive just got back from uni and been living at home fully for 4 months, which has felt like a weird non-linear measure of time with depth, so like a deep 4 months? Basically its felt longer than the 3 years that I just did at uni. Been threatened to get kicked out, minimum once a week?I currently pay £300 for my room at home, and I just got a new job Im settling into, part time where I earn around 1.1k-1.2k per month (not been paid yet). I still need to get my driving licence which I feel like holds me back. There are rooms in my area of work to which I travel an hour by bus and it is in shared living for £500-600. It doesnt seem that much more and somehow there is an anchor in me that stops me from leaving? After every argument, Ill go for a walk or cigarette and come back like "Ill just wait longer, I cant afford to move out, Im scared to go into shared accomodation (what if they dont like me?) and Im settling into my new job". Somehow, I keep looking for drops of hope and I keep staying and going off that. Its been drilled into my head how good I have it and how much worse it will be in the real world, but from being at my new job I feel like Im finally working in the real world and it really doesnt seem so bad? I feel like instead of paying rent this month I should just save the money or take out a £1000 loan and just put it towards a deposit in the new place (£550) and just pay the £500-600 monthly, I can always pick up more hours at work, they always need someone, so I could be doing 30 or 40 hours if I wanted and maybe itd be worth it? I keep thinking, what if the new people dont like me, what if I cant afford it but then I feel like this is some sort of stockholm syndrome. I am shouted at and put down over the smallest things on the daily (basically any excuse to hate me like 2 glasses in the sink even if everything else is done) and I have become so good at tolerating it and scared of the outside world, but maybe I should just break away? Why am I staying? Why am I scared to message the new place just because I know its not what my mum would want? Im so used to being abused and just waiting for commands that I am not acting for myself.What do you guys think? I think I am ready to start adult life. I think Im used to being held down in a complexity of different ways when trying to break away like, it wont be easy to not pay my rent to her, although whats she gonna do? Kick me out? Not love me? Man I think I should just do it and get a friend or someone to help me move my stuff.
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