full image - Repost: PMDD not the problem? (from Reddit.com, PMDD not the problem?)
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I've heard it from a few here / on /PMDD, but after a recent blow-up and over a year of therapy, my therapist said that PMDD is not the only problem and no excuse for her bad habits in coping with problems, fears, and anxieties. He said that there are clearly bad habits and unhealthy coping mechanisms that she has developed (probably from family of origin and past trauma) to defend herself and her insecurities and protect herself from pain and shame.He feels that my attempts to protect her, and my desires for maintaining peace at home are actually preventing her from taking ownership and making change. It's a lot to take in. I'm scared.He wasn't minimizing PMDD, or denying the way she has been treated by narcissistic people in her and my family, but that her behaviours are contributing to the problem and that she has to focus on developing healthy coping behaviours, and better responses to fear and cognitive distortions. He feels that her not addressing these issues will contribute to the kids' anxieties.As I've started to stand up to her behaviours our relationship has become increasingly cold and distant. We're business partners raising kids. When I try to bring up issues that are sensitive she can go into lawyer mode and spin it around on me where I end up apologizing and feeling bad for addressing it.I worry that as I keep setting healthy boundaries like pushing back when her behaviours are inappropriate, asking her to take ownership, and go to a professional therapist she will get depressed, things will get colder, more emotionally and psychologically traumatic for the kids and me, and that it could lead to suicide.I want to move our family out of the unhealthy dynamic that exists in our community network and that has brought stress and trauma into our lives, but my therapist is suggesting that this won't help if she doesn't address her own issues (not just PMDD).My therapist's suggestion is that things may have to get to a crisis before they get better.What big picture strategies and techniques have you used to help your partner not just taking her PMDD and luteal phase seriously (going to a doctor, therapist, getting surgery, etc.), but also any damaging and unhealthy habits / anxieties that exist because of past trauma or that may have been developed due to long-term undiagnosed PMDD?I love her, I want to support her. I want her to be free of all her past trauma and from PMDD. I love our kids and want them to suceed. She loves them, too. She doesn't seem to have or want to make space to do any of the strategies that will help herself. She feels our kids need to go to counselling, but she won't go herself.
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