full image - Repost: I'm (34F) a contractor getting signals I can't interpret from a client (44M and not a direct supervisor/report). I've intentionally not dated in 3yrs; getting open to it now but game is way off. Like him a lot so far and don't want to fumble the personal if he's interested or the professional if not (from Reddit.com, I'm (34F) a contractor getting signals I can't interpret from a client (44M and not a direct supervisor/report). I've intentionally not dated in 3yrs; getting open to it now but game is way off. Like him a lot so far and don't want to fumble the personal if he's interested or the professional if not)
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Hi RA! Hoping you can help me figure this out. Apologies in advance for the super long tangential description, it's kind of just how my brain works and wanted to include in case the context is helpful. TLDR summary at the bottom.Summary backstory: I've (34F) had a lot going on recently and took a solid 3 years off dating. I'm open to it now but my game is way off so being pretty passive about it/not seeking out connections.Main story/questions: Met this dude (44M) via another client four months ago. Let him know I have a background/interest in his field and would love to meet up separately to just chat about it - just me trying to get better at networking. He was super open to it but it didn't end up panning out before a conference we were both going to be at a month later, so we end up meeting there at networking events I'm helping manage.I'm just doing my job but I keep noticing him standing close and kind of joining in conversations he wasn't a part of, and just being way nicer and more engaging with me than necessary, which is all good but it was weirding me out because I'm focused on work and the idea was for him to network around the room so I start helping him with that more and I just keep noticing he's talking to me more than anyone else and otherwise kind of leaving events early etc. I had to rope him back into the last event we were at together because he left before meeting with another client as planned, and we ended up in a whole back and forth text exchange where he basically asked if I was going to be there and said if I thought it would be good for him to come he'd come for a bit before another meeting. He comes for a bit, doesn't really engage with the dude he's supposed to, pretty much just hangs around me, and when I leave him with the dude for a second to try and get them to interact, he leaves too with just a text see you tomorrow (didn't happen think he was mistaken).So, weird but all good. Initially assumed maybe he was just a little introverted, until it starts to bother me because I'm introverted too and feel unseasonably comfortable with him (given I don't really know him), and he's very familiar with me which feels... not introverted. And I start to wonder if he was acting weird because he was interested. So I follow up about linking for a meetup when we're both back in town and we set a date to get together. He changes locations from a coffeeshop close to him, to a nice restaurant closer to where I am, and then to a trendy bar in between, closer to his next meeting location. I'm new to this networking thing so idk if that's normal or not. This was a couple months ago.Anyway, halfway there I realize what I'm wearing is not appropriate for a work meetup. I dressed to be comfortable bc I was feeling myself and honestly just feel that comfortable with him. It's not scandalous or revealing or anything, just more casual and date-like than what I'd ever wear to work, which is usually very boring and not cute bc I try to avoid catching people's personal interest.I get there and dude suggests drinks and sharing a meal, like literally sharing a plate together. And he's not hard up so this feels very intimate to me but I'm game. We have a great time, lots of laughing, lots of stories, a mix of work and personal talk. It felt very flirty and he basically offers me a job on the spot if I have the capacity (I don't but I'm very interested in his company) and says I would be working with his partner/co-founder and to send them a portfolio of my work to solidify.So I do that, and the partner isn't very responsive but main dude sends a very excited email basically onboarding me with a couple projects he wants my help on. The pay is half my regular rate but normal for entry-level work in their sector, and honestly I'm not that mad at it because I already have steady work and dude has stressed room for growth and it's actually a good learning opportunity for me since it's way more topical for my preferred field. The thing is though that I actually don't have the capacity to take them on so almost as soon as I started I had to let them know I couldn't do the hours I quoted... and they say its all good but they keep asking me to do work, so I do what I can but it's whatever and I'm starting to ease my way out when main dude reaches out again saying that one of my pitches (the one I'm most invested in) has been accepted and can I get started on getting the people together to make it happen.I successfully do all that and basically set things up so they're ready to start moving quickly and then it's kind of silent on their end (now worrying I overstepped somewhere reaching out to folks and setting it all up). I really care about this project/pitch in particular and want to usher it through to completion but I feel like I should fall back on the rest of the work with them because 1) I won't really have time for at least 6 months and 2) the more I interact with this guy, the more I like him and that feels like a setup to a messy situation.It's a lot to get into but basically this whole time I haven't heard much from the co-founder/partner who is supposed to be my supervisor but what little I do hear is good feedback and collegial. Meanwhile I was getting more text/email contact from main dude but since I started in early November have heard much less though he's still very familiar with me when he does reach out. Like he uses a nickname that literally only my best friend and some close family use. It's a short form of my name but an unusual one that most people wouldn't even think of (and not how I introduce myself). Maybe he knows other people with the same name but it's still unusual for me.I'm cool just being professional... but it has been a while and I feel surprisingly comfortable with this dude. I like him/feel we have shared values/goals and chemistry. I can't tell if he's being overly familiar with me because he's just very chill and that's his communication/work style, or if he's interested in me and roping me into the work as way to get to know me better (given he brought me in, is the more engaging party, and made it clear I'd be reporting directly to someone else - so less of a conflict of interest?) Or maybe he's flirting with me to ingratiate himself and take advantage of my interest in the field/potential projects (not the feeling I get but like I said my game is way off). I really can't tell what's going on.TLDR: I (34F) met a client (44M) through work and I think he might be interested in me but I can't tell if it's that or if he's just a friendly person (people make the same mistake about me all the time - friendly and personable but slow to develop closer relationships), or more insidiously if he's trying to take advantage of me for my ideas/labor. He wants to collaborate and it's a good learning opportunity, but the pay is eh and I have steady work so I could really go either way. He's very familiar with me and I feel weirdly comfortable with him: eg. had a networking link up that had more of a date vibe than anything else (drinks and shared a meal - like literally shared a single plate his suggestion); also my sleep schedule was off recently and I accidentally responded to one of his texts around 3am and he responded immediately... maybe not weird but surprising to me. I don't report to him directly and kind of want to explore both the professional thing and the personal thing but don't want to be inappropriate, unethical etc. Also don't want to fumble a potentially great personal thing by just putting on the blinders and assuming it's in my head and I'm getting something wrong.I guess I can't tell if he's just really into me professionally and wants to work with me that much, or if it's more personal and work is just a convenient avenue to get to know each other. Help?
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