full image - Repost: how to deal with unwarranted hostile energy in work spaces (from Reddit.com, how to deal with unwarranted hostile energy in work spaces)
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okay so basically i (25F) want to start performing at local bars/venues so ive been going to shows for about a year to get acquainted with the spaces i long to work in. using my position as an audience member has helped me learn what the crowd reacts to and gives me the chance to study the performers who are already successful. ive also used my position to network quite alot. i talk to everyone: other ppl attending the shows, the bartenders, producers, and even some of the performers.long story short last spring theres this one performer (34F) who is quite popular that i started to crush on. she led me on a bit then ghosted me and acts super weird around me everytime we cross paths now. ive been nothing but kind to her and tried to assure her that i wasnt upset with her but that didnt really help anything. (she left that text on read lol) ive been avoiding shows shes booked in on purpose for about 8 months now. the times that i have seen her were in random spaces where i could see her see me and avoid me. so i havent really crossed paths with her until a few days ago at a show. she was a guest performer but wasnt listed on the bill… just my luck. i noticed her immediately when i walked in the club cause i could feel someone staring at me from the balcony. i looked up and it was her. when the show started she even came downstairs and stood right behind me. i didnt notice her there until i got up to go to the restroom and she was in front of me kind of smirking. i laughed it off and told her that she scared me and kept walking.fast forward into the night (after too many drinks) im chilling with strangers i randomly befriended and my ex-crush walks up to my group and says hi to one of the guys with us. the girl i was talking to starts freaking out cause shes a fan but was scared to say anything. my drunk ass didnt think twice about it and just invited my ex-crush over cause the girl wanted to talk to her. she joined us and we all began chatting. my energy was really friendly and i was contributing to the convo just enough to keep it from being too awkward. i guess this was another effort to show her that we could be friends or… that she atleast didnt have to treat me like i was invisible. my ex crush was still being pretty aloof towards me and kinda had a smug look on her face whenever i spoke. lots of eye contact between us. she eventually left after only saying bye to my new friend.my feelings are hurt obviously, but im mostly concerned on how to act with her moving forward since my attempts at being warm have been shit on. im going to start performing next month and i just know we’re going to end up around each other all the time now. i dont want my career to be centered around avoiding someone. im paranoid that ignoring her & treating her how she treats me will hurt my reputation. ive learned she has a history of “calling out” people she doesnt like on social media too. shes also close with alot of producers and could potentially get me black balled. in a weird way i feel like shes trying to intimidate me? i dont know what to do.
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