full image - Repost: I needed somewhere to just express and dump feelings (from Reddit.com, I needed somewhere to just express and dump feelings)
Mining:
Exchanges:
Donations:
I feel really lost in my life at the moment, I just got into uni to complete my master's and while that gave me some sense of purpose in life - there's this crushing fear of not knowing what to expect in my future. I got into a really good university and the fees are insanely high and I am here because of the support of my wonderful parents but now I feel like I am going to let them down - I find myself not able to find a passion in this subject and I honestly do not know what my passion in life is. Regardless, I made a commitment and I can't back down now, I have been applying to jobs since I started uni 5 months ago and it's going nowhere at all. The job market is really bad and me not being a citizen of the country I am currently studying in does not help, hence my future is feeling really hazy.Next up, as soon as I started uni just 1 month in I had a breakup with my one and only long relationship ever. I truly loved this person with my whole heart and we were together for 3 years on and off. It was an LDR and it was getting hard - we haven't met irl yet but we were always constantly on Facetime and slept on call always. The crushing loneliness I would feel in this big city is something I never anticipated. I don't know if it's my age or just a part of growing up but I find everyone around me so different from me, so unrelatable and the whole time I have been here I have been trying to connect with people and make friends. I really want to meet new people and connect with them and I tried really hard in my university to do that but it's like it's so impossible - people are so judgemental and everyone seems to be talking behind everyone's back and I just feel so lost in there. I find myself disliking their personality for the way they are treating others, I keep finding something wrong or the other and that bothers me so much - I really don't think I am closing myself off and this leads me to think I am just a terrible person for judging people but I can't seem to help it. Everyone just seems so fake and I can't bring myself to connect with them as I really am looking for long-term friendships and everyone here seems to be connecting for "networking" to build careers and nothing more. I am a crybaby I'll admit, but since I have been here I didn't cry the first few months at all - it's like I just stopped feeling things but lately, it's like everything I didn't feel for those first few months just came rushing in. I miss my parents so much and I've never stayed apart from them for so long, let alone in another country, I had a breakup and lost my partner and best friend in that. It's been hard to speak to her and I don't want to cut ties with her because she means a lot to me, although our relationship was not stable all the time, we created a bond that I can't forget but it's hard to see her move on and talk to other people while I struggle even connecting with one person. I also have severe psoriasis now which I didn't have when I started uni - I had a remission and now its back, probably due to winter and stress. But the thing is my psoriasis is aggressive and it takes so long to be normal again and the scars never heal this brings me to believe that in this world that we are in right now, I don't think there's anyone who would love me despite my disease and I know its not something I can help always, but why would someone willingly deal with me when they can easily find so many alternatives where it could be easier.I don't know I don't want to make this post too long but that's all I have on my brain right now. Hope you all are doing well and I am new to the sub so guide me if I said something wrong, thanks!
Social Media Icons