full image - Repost: Feeling really confused right now? Should I (25F) stay or leave him (26M) for good? (from Reddit.com, Feeling really confused right now? Should I (25F) stay or leave him (26M) for good? )
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Relationship started off really good, hit it off well, very common goals and interests of life and because of religion we don’t get a lot of time before we should inform our families about someone. I asked him if he had ANYTHING to tell me, this is because when we met up I felt he was hiding something or had something to say, he said no. I proceeded to tell them even though I knew in my heart something was wrong.I found out through his mom that he is divorced, I felt disgusted, embarrassed and deceived that he lied to my face with no remorse. He told me he was “scared” because it was recent. I wanted to leave him but he begged me to stay. He wanted to be with me badly, said that there was never anyone he’s ever met like me.Over the months I have struggled a lot with trusting him, his divorce stories don’t add up, seeing things of how he treated his ex wife through messages etc has really taken me back. More importantly the topic of conversation is majority of the time about him, I feel like he is not emotionally intelligent and understanding. He does things for me physically like taking me out, going to get food etc but shouldn’t this be the bare minimum? All he does is compare himself to my sisters husbands, and I think to myself it’s not all about physical things. I want emotional intimacy, I don’t need all things physical. He complains how useless men are that they can’t cook or clean for their wives, well isn’t that just transactional behaviour? Where’s the love, the empathy and understanding or consideration. When a problem arises is he always going to deny/deflect or blame others for his mistakes? I have tried so much to help him, I’ve expressed my upset in his behaviour at times. He lives alone, his family barely bother with him, he clearly has childhood trauma and talks about it relentlessly and sometimes doesn’t stop. I worry about if he has cheated on me and has hid it, the thing is that he always tells me that he would never do that to me, that I can have his social logins and everything. My concern is that if or when I bring things up he twists is around on me, blaming me or his past. There’s never any accountability. There hasn’t been anything that I’ve seen him do to betray my trust, he really wants this to work. He is lonely and I’m his only network of support, I don’t want to be someone he can use to build himself up and to discard me, I just get so scared I never know where his mind is at. He does spend all his time with me but I just get scared he changes when or if I was to move in. Right now I feel very scared and overwhelmed with emotions, I felt pushed into sleeping with him of which he barely expressed any sympathy or understanding. He keeps telling me he loves and wants to do for me but in my heart I can’t feel anything. I feel so emotionally disconnected. Please help, anyone been in a situation where there partner really wants to be with them and it work?
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