wit.* * A 2020 Harvard Business Review article *“Connect, Then Lead”* shows that people trust and like speakers who lead with warmth first, then competence. * A line like, *“Honestly, I’m just happy to be talking to someone who doesn’t feel like a robot today”* sounds real. Vulnerable, even. * When you’re okay with being a little dorky, people lean in. The “cool” act actually keeps people at arm’s length.* **Use the "You Seem" Frame** *This is straight from Hussey’s playbook and it works stupidly well in dates or networking.* * Say: *“You seem like someone who would secretly be amazing at…”* (e.g. winning bar trivia, organizing chaos, baking absurd desserts) * Why it works: * It engages curiosity and makes them want to *confirm or deny* your perception. * According to research in the *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology*, people love talking about their “possible selves” — it builds identity-level connection.* **Use “callback humor” even if it’s subtle** *This is your cheat code for chemistry. Bring back something they said earlier in a light, playful way later in the convo.* * Example: If someone told you they were bad at cooking earlier, later you say, *“Okay, so when you open your five-star restaurant, I’ll be first in line — for the fire alarm.”* * Callback builds familiarity. According to comedy expert **Judy Carter**, it works because it shows active listening and shared laugh history. That’s instant bonding.Every one of these tricks is about *making them feel emotionally seen and engaged,* not impressed. That’s the key.Most “how to be charismatic” stuff online is either too creepy (alpha male pickup lines) or too soft (just be authentic). But the reality? You can *learn* to be great at social connection. These aren’t natural-born skills. They’re patterns. Practice them two or three times and you’ll see the shift. People lean in. They light up. They remember you.And that’s the game." title="Win people over in 5 seconds: the brutal tricks that actually work (psych-backed, no fluff)">full image - Repost: Win people over in 5 seconds: the brutal tricks that actually work (psych-backed, no fluff) (from Reddit.com, Win people over in 5 seconds: the brutal tricks that actually work (psych-backed, no fluff))
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Look, most of us *think* we’re decent at conversation until we’re in front of someone we really want to impress. Then suddenly, it’s word vomit, awkward pauses, or just boring small talk that dies fast. It’s not just you. Most people weren’t taught *how* to be good at social dynamics — they picked it up from TikToks, fake confidence hacks, or totally outdated advice like “just be yourself.”This post is a breakdown of actually effective, psych-backed techniques I pulled from experts like **Matthew Hussey**, behavioral science research, and some of the most insightful convos from podcasts like *Modern Wisdom* and *The Art of Charm*. Most of them work in under 5 seconds. No fake persona needed. Just real, human tools that make you more memorable in any room — date, interview, party, whatever.Let’s break it down:* **Use a "pattern interrupt" opener** *Hussey emphasizes this in his “Get the Guy” approach — avoid default questions like “So what do you do?” or “Where are you from?” That stuff leads to autopilot answers.* * Instead, ask something unexpected but low-stakes: * "What’s been your highlight this week so far?" * "If you could teleport anywhere for 10 minutes, where would you go?" * It flips the brain out of habitual mode. Suddenly, *you’re* the fun one. * Research from Harvard’s Social Cognition Lab shows people feel more connected when conversations go off-script early on. It communicates presence, not performance.* **Give a “reaction-based” compliment instead of flattery** *Instead of generic stuff like “You look nice,” try: “That jacket is wildly cool — your style’s got personality.”* * This is rooted in the *Ben Franklin Effect* — people like you more when you show you’re observant and curious, not just flattering. * According to **Dr. Vanessa Van Edwards** (author of *Cues*), people light up when they feel “seen” for their taste or energy, not just surface stuff. * Your goal is to make the other person think, “Wow, this person actually noticed something real about me.” That makes you instantly memorable.* **Mirror their excitement, not their facts** *People don’t bond over *what* they say, but *how* they feel when saying it.* * If someone talks about their dog, don’t ask the breed or age. Ask, *"He sounds like a total menace — does he run the house?"* Match the emotional energy. * Neuroscientist **Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett** (in *How Emotions Are Made*) explains that emotions are co-created in conversation. You can “amplify” someone’s excitement or joy just by reflecting it. * Hussey calls this making people feel “emotionally looped-in.” That’s what builds chemistry fast.* **Drop your “cool filter” and double down on warmth** *Most people think being likable means being clever or funny. Nope. It’s warmth > wit.* * A 2020 Harvard Business Review article *“Connect, Then Lead”* shows that people trust and like speakers who lead with warmth first, then competence. * A line like, *“Honestly, I’m just happy to be talking to someone who doesn’t feel like a robot today”* sounds real. Vulnerable, even. * When you’re okay with being a little dorky, people lean in. The “cool” act actually keeps people at arm’s length.* **Use the "You Seem" Frame** *This is straight from Hussey’s playbook and it works stupidly well in dates or networking.* * Say: *“You seem like someone who would secretly be amazing at…”* (e.g. winning bar trivia, organizing chaos, baking absurd desserts) * Why it works: * It engages curiosity and makes them want to *confirm or deny* your perception. * According to research in the *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology*, people love talking about their “possible selves” — it builds identity-level connection.* **Use “callback humor” even if it’s subtle** *This is your cheat code for chemistry. Bring back something they said earlier in a light, playful way later in the convo.* * Example: If someone told you they were bad at cooking earlier, later you say, *“Okay, so when you open your five-star restaurant, I’ll be first in line — for the fire alarm.”* * Callback builds familiarity. According to comedy expert **Judy Carter**, it works because it shows active listening and shared laugh history. That’s instant bonding.Every one of these tricks is about *making them feel emotionally seen and engaged,* not impressed. That’s the key.Most “how to be charismatic” stuff online is either too creepy (alpha male pickup lines) or too soft (just be authentic). But the reality? You can *learn* to be great at social connection. These aren’t natural-born skills. They’re patterns. Practice them two or three times and you’ll see the shift. People lean in. They light up. They remember you.And that’s the game.
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