full image - Repost: How to date on the spectrum? (from Reddit.com, How to date on the spectrum?)
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Hi Everyone,I'm early 30s M, and I have recently come to suspect I'm on the spectrum, and while it's not formally diagnosed, my doctor says it's quite likely albeit quite mild. And I'm wondering if that's causing my dating woes. I'd really appreciate any advice anyone has for me, or has similar experiences to share?All my life I have never been in a relationship before, and struggled greatly to even make and maintain friendships too, and it's becoming increasingly difficult in my adult life. The only friendships I've been able to maintain are distant friends that I rarely see and just contact once in a while.I've been on OLD for a number of years now with no success. While I do get a few matches per week, a lot of them have barely any conversation, or they just fizzle out. I have met up with a number of women but I rarely ever get a second date. Most of the reasons are things like "I don't feel like we're clicking" or they just stop responding to my messages.I think my main limiting factor is my poor conversation/social skills. I don't know what's appropriate to say or not, or have anything interesting to say. I also am terrible with subtle cues and body language etc, often taking things at face value only. My career also isn't where I want it to be either which I think impacts on my confidence. I like my job but it only makes me just enough to get by, and I've been really struggling to progress due to poor interview skills, poor networking and recently find myself losing motivation there too. While I do successfully get a number of interviews, they've been about as successful as my OLD experiences.I've tried my best with the usual advice on here like:-Going to the gym. Whilst I'm not a hardcore gym person, it's definitely an improvement to my previous none at all.-Working on my presentation/appearance. Paying more attention to what I wear and working on my skincare. I don't think I'm bad looking to begin with (well my mother says so), but there's definitely room for improvement.-Joining Meetup groups, I join some walking groups which I've been quite enjoying, and have decent conversations with people from there of all genders, but haven't been able to move anything to outside of the groups.-Going to therapy, I recently recognised I have depression and have been getting treatment for it which worked wonders. Thinking back I've probably had it for a long time just didn't recognise the symptoms.-Doing group travel. I mostly have no one to travel with, so I join these small group tours and have a great time. I'm able to talk to people fine on these tours, but again nothing lasting.If it helps here are my hobbies.-Food and cooking: always loved eating and am a decent cook. Use to be a chef when I was younger. I like trying new foods but often lose motivation due to no-one to go with, or being on a tight budget.-Anime/manga/games: use to be a big fan, though definitely dropped off as I get older. Really just keep up with a few series now like One Piece-Shrimp keeping: started during lockdown and got super into it, but again I'm finding myself losing interest and thinking of selling what I have. Just keeping it on now as it's a good conversation starter on OLD.-Reading: love Agatha Christie and find myself keep going back to her books. Want to try other authors but always go back to her.-Recently got interested into reading into or watching documentaries about WW1 and WW2 and Holocaust stuff too, though I feel it's too morbid of a hobby to share with people.Wow this post turned out longer than I expected. If anyone reads through it all, thank you very much. And I'd really appreciate any advice.
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