full image - Repost: I work in IT corporate and do absolutely nothing... (from Reddit.com, I work in IT corporate and do absolutely nothing...)
Mining:
Exchanges:
Donations:
Unfortunately, I felt compelled to tell someone who isn't my close friends/family because I did not want to be seen as a lazy failure.Despite working in Cyber Security, I do nothing at work. For the past few years, I have gotten paid for about 60 hours of work a year. Yes a year. In my opinion, I make more than I deserve 100 fold but I need the income. And to be fair I have been severely underpaid in my previous positions. This may be the dream for some, but for me it just feels like I am getting stupider. At some point, I will be caught with my pants down.All of my projects I have been on since about 2019 I have piggy backed on and was never given the proper training or opportunity to take lead. Of course back when those projects were happening I felt I was not strong enough to lead so I didn't try. But I got good praise, often for doing nothing at all. This all helped me learn how to be a professional BS-er which is great for keeping my salary but I feel a way about it.I tried to submerge myself into the field. I listened to the podcasts, I took the boot camps, security conferences, and tried getting some certs, etc. Even Networking which I HATE because I dislike talking about my job..mainly since I'm not doing anything interesting. I learned I am not so passionate about this at all or I am on the wrong side of cyber, but I am kind of decent at it so it provides me money.It is very difficult to stay motivated when trying to earn certificates on top of being an AWFUL test taker. Especially since these tests are expensive and there's a 0% chance of getting reimbursed if you fail. A lot of the time, I also lose interest in training and/or get distracted very easily.Currently, I am a consultant and not enjoying it. After changing jobs, I had motivation, but then jobs and projects kept being pushed back, canceled, or delayed. I had some very uninspiring projects in the last few years. So far, I've only formatted word documents and powerpoint presentations. It's hard for me to comprehend the "they're paying you well so just do it" idea when this work is bland. My requests for slightly more technical work keep getting ghosted and forgotten.My actual passion for music has been pushed aside as a result, and I feel now that it's too late to return. Every day, I played for hours and recorded new songs. I play maybe once a month now. Moreover, I feel a lack of motivation again for this since I am very rusty. It's a vicious cycle.Does imposter syndrome exist to some degree? 100%. Whenever I'm working on something that's actually interesting, I am laser focused and smart about it, but I feel like all this downtime made me rusty as hell and it really just kills my motivation. I don't know what to do about it. There is no way I can leave my job or I will have to return a large bonus I received upon hiring (really not trying to sound braggadocious).I apologize if I sound like an entitled brat in this I really don't mean to. I just want to improve myself and actually become smarter but I feel the complete opposite is happening and it's…depressing.I am not sure where I am going with this but if anyone has any similar experiences I would love to hear about them. I would also love any advice!Thanks everyone.
Social Media Icons