full image - Repost: Struggling with Addiction (from Reddit.com, Struggling with Addiction)
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I don't want to get into too much detail, but the last couple months my addiction has come back full force over me. I feel I do everything I'm supposed to do; have amazing sober network/friends; go to meetings (I do Refuge really connected with it over NA/AA), renewed my hobby in playing guitar, I do do my 10th step from NA daily because I get a lot out of reflecting/journaling on my day, I take my psych meds religiously and I even started back in grad school working towards my PhD. Unfortunately, it seems I just get these screw it moments where I say "screw it I can't take this anymore" when literally nothing is wrong. The only thing working towards to find a therapist. I'm on a wait list at my current medical provider, but my health benefits SUCK, so I'm paying all my medical bills full price out of pocket until I meet my deductible which is friggin aggravating as hell.But back on topic. I'm not as "bad" as I was at the height of my addiction, but my mental state is just degrading so much from this. I'm using this as a way to just tell on myself and keep myself honest I guess. I've already reached out to my sober network so I feel I'm still doing the right thing as of right now.I did have a job interview for a research engineer position at the University of North Dakota yesterday which is the University I attend. I'm honestly hoping I get this job so I can get a fresh start in a new place (I live in CT) doing something I love.Anything thanks for listening.
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