full image - Repost: My Therapist Ended our Relationship While I Am in Crisis (from Reddit.com, My Therapist Ended our Relationship While I Am in Crisis )
Mining:
Exchanges:
Donations:
I was with a therapist for a little less than 3 years and she is now my “life coach”. I feel that she transitioned me out of therapy in a really unethical manner and I haven’t had any space to talk about it/process it so I wanted to weigh in here. I initially found my therapist on Talkspace 3 years ago, when needed help processing really horrendous family dynamics, and I also needed general mental health support.I have a history of abuse with my Mom, and I was questioning if we could ever heal, especially since I was planning to move back with her for economic reasons. It took my therapist forever to see that my Mother was horribly abusive and I had no business trying to singlehandedly mend our relatonship: I had to learn that the hard way. She didn’t “see” a lot of emotionally abusive relationships I had when we first started—including with my ex and my sister…they all had to escalate in order for her to acknolwedge how harmful they were. I eventually moved in with my family and it has turned into a domestic violence situation that I am still trying to escape. During first couple of years, my therapist was a huge support to help me keep my head above water, especially since I have no community out here. I have been managing this crisis for years, and some of my lows have included suicidal ideation. However, I mostly used therapy for general support and someone to talk to who cares about me and knows my history, and I was clear about that. Through talkspace, some of our sessions were via voice notes/text, and we also did video calls once per month. She generously offered me a discount due to my income. Then In 2023, I received a grant which paid for us to have video sessions 1x/week for 9 months. I prefer video sessions but they are a luxury for me since I am low-income, so this grant was very helpful. My therapist preferred video sessions too, and kept saying we “can’t go back” to text/voice after this, since it’s a lower quality format, so we agreed that we would explore options to keep going. Fast forward to this year: A few weeks before the grant money ran out, we started to stretch out sessions 2+ weeks at a time or as-needed, so that I could schedule sessions when I “really needed them” until we figure out how to sustainably continue. The weekly sessions were helpful and grounding for me. If it were not for money concerns, I would’ve continued. But I was able to skip a week here and there and be OK—especially since I was occupied with other positive things at the time. After several weeks of doing this, time was cutting close and if we didn’t figure it out soon, I would be going without any therapy. I don’t know why she wasn’t talking about it. So I brought it up. She offered to explore if my health insurance would pay for an out of network therapist. They wouldn’t. So in our final grand-paid therapy session, she asked me what I think about doing life coaching every other week with her as a way for us to continue working together. She said based on my progress, she thinks I can go without weekly sessions, and that our work together has become more “maintenance” which is what she does in life coaching, anyway. I didn’t know what progress she was talking about. Sure, a lot of good things happened to me early this year that really boosted my morale. But I was still in my domestic violence situation, indefinitely and it still impacted me. Why was it her 'clinical decision' to judge whether I am fit to go without as much support, especially when our lapses were only due to money issues?I expressed my hesitation with this plan to only meet 2x per month, and to no longer continue with therapy. In fact, I was bewildered, and I thought that maybe she secretly didn’t want to work with me. So I confronted her about it, via email and within one of our “life coaching sessions” and both times, she said that this is a “clinical decision” based on my “progress”. She said that she is confident making this decision because she feels that I have enough resources to get local help if I want to. What resources is she talking about?! I have the local crisis hotline where they can calm me down for 15 minutes over the phone, and then there is some department of mental health where you can get a therapist who accepts medicaid, and honestly I don’t feel comfortable with the selection available to me. She acted like I can just get a new therapist by snapping my fingers.Also, she acts like my occasional housesitting gigs (which i have relied on for relief and escape) are this thing I can just snap my fingers and travel to at anytime for a "break". It’s infuriating!!Before she went on vacation this summer, she checked in with me to make sure I remember that I have these resources and then she was gone for a month. I suffered a lot while she was gone.Fast forward to now: I am struggling very dearly in my D.V. situation and I am now shopping for a car to move into. Things got worse and I have had no one to talk to. I am just holding everything inside, piecing together emotional support through crisis hotlines when things get really horrible. Once again I asked her in our last “life coaching session” why she made this “clinical decision” knowing my life circumstance and she didn’t have a very solid answer. She seemed nervous. She told me that one of my marks of progress was based on me no longer being suicidal. And I was thinking, huh?! I wasn't suicidal or seeking help with that issue when we met. It came up as a direct result of abuse, and I was able to move through it thankfully. So because I am not about to off myself, I no longer need therapy?!And she also suggested I continue housesitting instead of moving into a vehicle which really pained me because if what I was doing was already working then I would keep doing it. Yes obtaining a car will cost more money but I can MAKE more money with a car once I have one. It was just another layer of not reading the room and being disconnected from my reality. She did send me a list of therapists to vet (psychology today) but at this point I am too overwhelmed with survival concerns to do the work of getting a new therapist. I am putting that on hold for now. Because of this, we also decided to stop our life coaching sessions until further notice.I feel that she should have acknowledged that I still absolutely need therapy and been proactive in helping me find a new one if I couldn’t pay for her, so that I would have the support already available to me when things escalate at home. Therapy should not have been presented as this optional thing that I no longer need based on my “progress” Anyway, I drafted an entire email to tell her how I feel in very clear, concise, honest words because I was an absolute wreck last time we spoke and I was crying too hard to articulate and stand up for myself. I just wanted to have space to share with actual human beings because nobody knows what I have been through and it has been isolating.
Social Media Icons