full image - Repost: I (M29) need help breaking up with my partner (F29) (from Reddit.com, I (M29) need help breaking up with my partner (F29))
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I'm literally having an anxiety attack as I write this.My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years and haven't been happy for a while. Comfortable and sedentary, sure, but not happy. I'll skip over all the details, but essentially her mental health has been bad for a long time, and as much as I've really tried everything to be there for her, it's sucked all the life and joy and, in many ways, love out of our relationship. We connect intellectually, and there is intimacy (ish - not really in the sexual way, definitely) but we just feel like friends who co-habit nowadays, and have done for a while. I'm just at the end of my rope with it all. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted and, simply, unhappy. I want to be there for her, but she hasn't been open to that and I'm just spent now so it'd feel a bit too little too late, which feels harsh to say. As my therapist has put it, I need to "stop setting myself on fire to keep her warm" and "put my oxygen mask on before I take care of someone elses".My girlfriend has been away for a few weeks, and frankly it's been a big relief for me. I have liked this time alone, for the most part, and the respite it's given me. It's allowed me to think, and I've come to the conclusion the relationship needs to end.She comes back in 2 days, and I'm freaking out about it. How do I break up with her? We live together (rent not own) and have a dog, and I'm fairly sure she'd move home when it happens (though this'd be a slow process, but it's clear that's her desire and, tbh, i think it'd be good for her).I know there's no perfect way, other than just being open and direct and honest, with an empathic ear and trying to keep it all calm, but I feel so anxious in this strange 'limbo' before she's home. Every night when we text "I love you" back and forth it feels dishonest in many ways, and I don't want to perform the relationship until she's back, though I don't see another fair way. She could go straight back to her family (they're near where she is for work) but having this conversation over the phone to allow that feels crappy, too. But likewise, doing it as soon as she gets home feels shitty - as does waiting beyond that. I just don't know what to do.Additionally, because her mental health is so bad, and these are quite abstract feelings and reasons for me to do so, it just feels like it's impossible for this to be anything other than just cruel to her, and I don't want that. She also doesn't have a huge support network of friends or family in the immediate vicinity, without travelling a fair way.I know there'll be an additional awkward stage where we logistically separate after the conversations, too, which i'm dreading.It all just feels insurmountable and every time i think about it I feel sick and have anxiety attacks.Anyone been in a similar situation, on other side, and able to offer some guidance, please?TLDR: I've decided the best course of action for my relationship is to end it, but due to my partner's mental health, my own anxiety, and a myriad of logistical complications (and my own lack of experience doing so) i'm really struggling with how to go about it.
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