full image - Repost: Life is really weird sometimes. (from Reddit.com, Life is really weird sometimes.)
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Man these last few years have been a really hard battle within my personal life. 6-7 months ago, my children's mother and I ended a 13 year run on our relationship. I understand that things, whether good or bad, come to an end at some point. However, referring to the title of this post, I didn't expect it to go as it did.In the beginning it was ecstatic. Conversated, chemistry was on point, intimacy was there, enjoyed each other's company, made each other laugh, you get the point. When we had children it took a toll on her health, which is completely understandable. I did all that I could in addition to my work full time and school full time. I made sure she didn't feel alone when it came to cooking, cleaning, laundry, let alone the finance to keep a roof over our family's heads and food on the table. I researched diets and recipes to help her out with her energy and weight problem which she always had trouble keeping the weight. I supported her when she wanted to obtain her GED which she accomplished. She broke down at one point stating she was afraid of living her life just as a stay at home mom. I supported her, I helped create her resumes, filled out her applications online, networked with my colleagues and friends to utilize as a referral to help secure a position. She still currently works at the job I helped her with all accept from actually doing her interview and she makes enough to stabilize all of finance liabilities from our mortgage to utilities and everything in between and still have some money to do something for herself.With her self esteem gaining arise, I assumed this would a huge step to gaining back the things we did I enjoyed, going out with friends, enjoying dinner dates, having sex, foreplay, attending and hosting parties, dancing. I understand postpartum depression can be a pain in the ass for the mothers. I remained hopeful and optimistic that we would beat this together. I kept busy with work/school, taking care of the home chores, even supporting her family members with living with us and at times, money for any finances they had to take care of.As I witnessed firsthand all of the accomplishments and improvements with her life, and she's also a kickass mother to our kids, which that I'm greatful for. Her passion for doing the things we related with each other so well, the same things that brought us together to start a family in the first place, seemed to return but in a different direction. I then started going from hopeful and optimistic to feeling desperate and depressed. I tried switching things up by encouraging her to go out with her friends, just so she can get away from home because I know she would enjoy a break from dealing with the kids or to an extent, even myself at times, which that she appreciated. Conversations went from joyful and wanting to know how are days were and what we were thinking to being increasingly distant. I could never get her to understand how I would like it if we could just talk about things in our relationship I would like to improve, and would appreciate it if she'd tell me if there was anything wrong with me, because I'm not perfect either. We all have flaws and sometimes I appreciate when I get checked in that aspect so I can improve. In the end, she insisted that I was fine and it's just that she's tired and low energy.The more I took on her problems in addition to her families problems, I saw that she was denying majority of my requests of chemistry and intimacy. I'd ask let's go out for dinner, she'd refuse but if it was her friends or co workers she was up and ready to roll out the door. Let's go to a party or a club? No for me, but yes to the others. Want to work out at the gym? No for me and yes to the others. Lets have a drink and relax? You get where I'm going with this. When the communicating and intimacy went out the window and she became more distant than I'm sort of embarrassed to admit, I started thinking what other things am I being told no on but she'll approve it with others. This is when we started arguing because I informed her that although she may feel exhausted at times, I too feel the same also but always made sure I reserved a piece of energy for her everyday. I was tired of being told no on the things I enjoyed, being told something kinky and hot was going to happen to then just pass out and too tired yet again. For years I've dealt with this behavior and to say the least I'm really fucking concerned about the stability of us. Never did I ask much, and it wasn't like I was living the fantasy of what we used to do before kids, but in a way being infatuated and ensuring her that regardless of the weight issue, depression issue. I still loved her deeply and was just as fond of her as I was then. Again, she said everything would be alright and it'll get better.The sex became, not to sound like a dick, but transactional. To her, either missionary, or in the side. Nothing more. If I changed positions she would complain about why this or that. Kissing and caressing was something she wanted anymore during sex. Foreplay, I gave up on receiving blow jobs but she did enjoy when I went down on her, not to brag but getting a woman to cum multiple times with my hands and tongue. So I was fine with that as I'm more into giving pleasure instead of receiving pleasure, but just like the other things, it soon became less and less. It got to the point where I just gave up and stopped pursuing, and then it really happened seldomly. And with the communication being very minimal on her end, I just lost hope and braced for impact. The arguing increased, she continued going out with her friends, I couldn't get her to have a bottle of wine or a cocktail but she go out, she'd get shit faced. I get it, we all do it when we're hanging out, but I was at home with the kids, helping with their homework, sports programs all while she was having a blast and not even think to invite me.A few years ago we took a break due to the arguing being too consistent and we just couldn't see eye to eye, she initiated the break, and all I did, as the previous times. Was respect and support her decision. Idk how tf her co workers helped her with this, but she was able to get fmla and short term disability in addition to her sick time and pto. Needless to say, on avg she works maybe 4 months out of the year while I slave out in the hospital where I still currently work. It sucks to her claim to others that she feels stressed. She got upset with me because I questioned her to explain. It can't be with work because you call off consistently. It can't be at home because for as far as I can remember, a full time job at home with the kids and the house even when I get off a long shift, while she's either out and about or laying down watching tik tok or keeping up with the Kardashians.One night during that break she came home drunk, tried to conversate and ask how did it go, how was such and such which she told who she was going with. She went on this long explanation about how she hasn't felt this much relief in a long time. She thought she had low energy and postpartum depression and she admitted that it was all false and its just she's changed and she doesn't see her changing back anytime in the future. And it's really me that's been causing her mental decline. Here's the real gut punch, she told me how much fun she was having with this other "friend" no one I knew or mentioned since our break has been happening.I'll never forget that night due to some other things, but I felt it was a wrap. I've put myself aside for so long and it all ended up not working. It really fucked with me. But I figured I ain't holding myself up any longer. I started going out myself, I got involved with someone sexually in the process. When she saw I was gone from the house til late at night to into early am. My ex then approached me again, apologetic and sincere about how it was a big understanding. Started saying how she misses "us" and wants to work at it. For the sake of our family to not split apart, I agreed. After we had a fee long "make up sessions" she apologized and stated that this "friend" never existed and she never did anything. When she asked me if I fooled around, I told her the truth. A some shit really went down after that, but once it blew over she understood that 1 we were on a break, and 2 I didn't do anything until she started mentioning what she was doing, whether its just bs or she really told me the truth is something i still dont know to this, but thats irrelevant now.It went great after a couple months but then just like that it went back to where it was. This time it was a 4 year run rather than a 9 year run. What really hurts is during another drunk fused conversation while she went out and I was with the kids, she said she's been fucking with someone else "frfr this time" and did the things that I've been waiting so patiently all this time. Her reason, she couldn't forgive me when I slept with someone during our break. Fucking pathetic and dam right evil thing to do to hold a grudge, if that was the case, she could've just let us continue the break up and just move on.After this long process I can't seem to understand what has happened to her. I spent my time from 19 to now 33 years old giving her a stable life, achieve her academic goals, obtain her job, work my ass off while she worked on her health and wellness. Helping her family, helping with the chores and responsibilities but literally doing them myself with very little participation from her. In the end, I can't help but feel that instead of being her companion, I really just was a highly efficient ally to help her achieve what we achieved and once all was said and done, I was then categorized as obsolete. A person laid off from a job with the message "thank you for all you've done but it's time to move". It'll get better soon, even bad times don't last forever, right?For those that read the whole decompression session, thank you for your time. I would've love to include more details but if I did, the readers would need a couple days worth of time imo lol. Everybody stay up and have a good day.
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