full image - Repost: I (30M) at upset at my GF (31F) for crossing boundaries with a coworker and talking about us to him (from Reddit.com, I (30M) at upset at my GF (31F) for crossing boundaries with a coworker and talking about us to him)
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I (30M) am angry at my GF (31F) for not setting boundaries with a male coworker and talking about us to him.So my GF and I both work at the same company and work from home. We live together and have separate offices (one downstairs and one upstairs). It’s a small apartment so we can hear each others meetings and everything. It’s been fine since we’re in other departments and fields but ever since she transitioned to another team she has been paired with a guy much younger than her who is, to put it politely, an idiot (think player douchebag popping bottles in the club kind of guy). She has always been clear and tells me stories about all of her coworkers including him and the dumb things he gets into. I just thought “okay this guy is a baby and clearly not a threat” and I still think that for the most part. I’m not threatened by other men because I know my worth and am very confident.I’ve overheard him telling her stories about his dating life, hookups, orgies he participated in, his family life, etc. It’s all stuff that is not work appropriate and she is a genuinely nice person and doesn’t know when to shut it down. I don’t think he has tried flirting with her (even on a work trip where I wasn’t present) but I still in my gut felt incredibly uncomfortable by something. Fast forward to another work trip where I’m there too. I meet the guy in person and am nothing but nice with him and everyone I met from her team. It was fine. She even said she wanted me to meet her team so I obliged.The next day she flips out and tells me “I don’t have any autonomy” and “go find your own friends”. It was bad. Keep in mind this is my company too and my coworkers and opportunity to network as well. I was there on the trip for work as well. I wasn’t just tagging along.I eventually see her phone is open one evening after a day earlier in the week where she shut the door to the office (which never happens) and she was speaking to someone not over speaker (which never happens) I knew it was this coworker. I had brought up before on how I feel like it’s not only unprofessional to be talking about this stuff to a coworker (more indulging his nonsense since she never shared much) but it also made me uncomfortable because he doesn’t get access to our private life. I look at the phone, which I probably shouldn’t have but my gut was telling me to, and I found messages between her and the coworker where she was complaining nonstop about me being at that one work event to him and he was encouraging her to leave me. She didn’t say anything else to him after that but she clearly used this guy she talks to maybe at max once a week to vent about our “issues”.I felt sick. She didn’t cheat on me. Didn’t flirt. But something deeper. It was a feeling that the woman I am planning on marrying in the coming year ran to this clown who she thinks is an immature loser (her words) to vent. He lives in another city and I don’t think he has feelings for her (sees her as a big sister) but I don’t trust him and don’t know what to do from here.These messages were from weeks ago and things have been great since. What’s your guys insight and advice?Thanks.
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