full image - Repost: I (22f) have developed an unhealthy attachment to my best friend (30m) What can I do to stop this cycle? (from Reddit.com, I (22f) have developed an unhealthy attachment to my best friend (30m) What can I do to stop this cycle?)
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I apologise in advance for any spelling errors or rambling, I’m writing this on my phone while also struggling with some bad brain stuff today, bear with me! To start with the basics, I have my best friend who I’ve met online roughly 6 months ago. I know that time may not seem like a lot, but those who have had online friendships know that you can open up and share information and bond very quickly through online interaction. When we initially met, I wasn’t in the best place in life but I was relatively stable, I had a consistent job that paid well, I own my own home, I balanced my work life, social life IRL, and had time to hop online and play games which is where we met. We had both recently gotten out of toxic relationships and bonded over our need to focus on ourselves, our healing, our recovery. Since we met and begun to spend time together, we realised our communication styles were similar, our overthinking nature was similar, our needs for emotional reassurances, our emotional intelligence, etc. I know I’m the grand scheme of things I’m pretty young, but my path has not been easy and that has allowed me to become pretty emotionally mature. Things recently have become rocky, and I place the blame on myself. He’s the first person I’ve ever opened up to with my ugliest emotions. The things that people don’t like to talk about or unpack, he’s always encouraged me to do and has done the same himself. We talk out our jealousies, our worries and fears, the good, the bad, the ugly. I think opening myself up to this type of talk might be what’s leading me down this spiral I’m caught in. He’s become essentially my sole provider of affection, of nurturing, of advice, of comfort, etc. He never ever tells me that he wants to be my only pillar of support in life, but that he wants to be a large piece of an evergrowing network. This isn’t something I’ve experienced. I’m used to going to one person for everything and what they can’t handle or what I don’t feel comfortable sharing, I keep to myself. It’s an unfair expectation, I know this logically. But emotionally I am caught in a loop. I don’t know what to do. I think about him constantly, when we are not together I wonder what he’s doing, who he’s with, and I fear that my position in his life is at stake of him finding someone better than me. I share with him my emotions but then cannot trust his words that he is accepting and loves me regardless of the ugly feelings. He has worked harder than anyone in my life to be there for me and to understand and support me, but I still fall into these toxic habits of not trusting, wanting him to help me through everything but also recoiling and running away when he tries. He deserves better than these habits I have built to protect myself in the past, but I just don’t know how to stop them. It’s like my logic and feelings are at war. I don’t know if this situation is beyond help, but I fear my place in his life, and his place in mine is in jeopardy. I know therapy is the first suggestion from many, and that is a goal of mine to get back into, but anyone who has been in the position of unhealthy attachment, what can I do to try to heal myself and stop hurting him with these toxic traits? My instinct says to distance and/or leave, but that doesn’t feel healthy either. TL;DR - I have found myself in an anxious attachment style with my online best friend who has encouraged me to open up to him with the good/bad/ugly emotions. I don’t want to continue to hurt us because I formed an unhealthy attachment and want advice on how to be and do better.
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