full image - Repost: Is there light at the end of the tunnel or happily ever after? Need your honest suggestion! (from Reddit.com, Is there light at the end of the tunnel or happily ever after? Need your honest suggestion!)
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I’m an expat 32(M) married with an expat 31 (f) just one kid about a year plus. We both were school love birds and with only 6 months into relationship about 15 years back I went abroad for my college and we had a 10 years long distance relationship. Of course we met in between and almost every once a year and sometimes I would stay for about 6 months plus and mostly just over a fortnight only.Back then both of our families were quite conservative and we had to keep our hangouts secrets and after facing tons of backlashes from the families which def affected our relation forming some stereotypes and biases towards each other since the families were closely involved….Fast forward we got married, two weeks after that I brought her abroad with me from that toxic environment. She traveled for her exams to Uk, Covid happened and now we are stranded away from each other in two different countries for about a year. During this time our relation took a toll where we tried to be with each other and nothing seems to work. Families again with their jokingly sarcasm every now and then created a bigger bias and creating doubts about the intentions of we really wanna be together anymore.Back story: we both were career oriented and I had been a super workaholic, literally toxic level workaholic, where I did nothing but work in establishing a reputed brand in the country I studied, from the time I studied till I got married With over 10 years of hard work. In this last 5 years, I did nothing but lived a very minimum expense life, room sharing life not even house sharing, adapted to the snacks, noodles and often sleep on couch or floor humbled life. Of course I had a holiday weekend gateway once a quarter and that too like a backpacker.So now here I was, running a successful business but stingy to the core to take the business to another level, all my savings and everything was invested in this business and Covid took all right after I got married.It was impossible for me to even express what I was going through. Then after one and half year, I went almost bankrupt, leaving malaysia to visit and build a family from scratch again. The silver lining was we were together after all this but I wasn’t the same. Lost my confidence, self esteem and everything. That’s how we actually started living together and started getting to know each other for the first time. She’s a doctor and have studied real hard coming from a background we both are from, it really took twice the efforts any middle class needs in the third world country.After spending a year recovering together back in Pakistan while still working remotely.During this time we both knew and realized that Pakistan isn’t for us, specially for me after spending half of my life then abroad.For her because the pay or the benefits as a doctor in Pakistan isn’t good.The licence are not acceptable to practise in malaysia so we had to choose a third country where we both can grow and to get back on track, she started her additional medical exams for Uk.Malaysia opened up from COVID Lockdown. Those who don’t know, Malaysia was in complete lockdown for 2.5 years, not even restaurants were allowed to open for dine in during this time and even after 2.5 years, social distancing, masks and mobile app appointments and checking were needed to even move or enter any place. I went back to malaysia to atleast try to recover some of the loss and after the same living on the floor not even buying a bed in an unfurnished apartment so on and so forth.After 9 months of long distance, she got an offer of attachment in NHS, I flew her to Malaysia to spend time together for a few months and to be able to plan better and during this time we got the good news that we are going to be parents. It was tougher for her since it wasn’t in the plan. She went Uk pregnant traveling alone and all those emotions and feelings for a month plus and then went back to Pakistan. During this time my visa was about to finish and I had to make a decision if I’m gonna risk leaving malaysia and if it turns out she didn’t get the job in UK, it’ll be even more difficult for me to get Malaysian visa.Anyway it’s worth the risk. I said my good byes to malaysia and came to Pakistan. Took us three months to get job offer, apply visa, plan for travels and we came here.Three months plus down the line we became parents (I am still working for my own same company remotely in Malaysia time zone) and now we both are working parents alone in Uk.It’s tougher than one can expect with me being the untrained work from home dad and her being working and living abroad for the first time away from vast number of family members and with little to no one to talk to.It’s taking a toll on our relation, personal life and we are finding ourselves triggered by the small matters.From Our parenting style to sleep patterns,The same personality traits that we adored so much are now becoming an irritation.Over the course of this one year, I chose the same investment, minimizing big expenses such as travel tours and car and diversified investments this time where as she deserve to travel, holidays and have the convenience of private car. We managed to save and invest over 30k£+ in the past year, travel one time to Pakistan to spend time with family, while me working less than full time one or two quarters and her being on unpaid maternity leaves because to be eligible for that she should have been at work for more than 6 months so yeah, no pay during the maternity leaves too. And my business recovered about 75% of the losses and is growing at a higher rate, in a sustainable fashion and without relying on me since the authority, decision making and decision delegation is proving to be effective and result oriented.We are now at cross roads and at the max end of the rope where we definitely need space, good friends or network, some good home country food, travel companions too because we need life outside just each other, someone to talk to as friends, cheaper alternative for baby minding and baby sitting, to be able to date just the two of us.We have faced some serious depressions, panics and more often then not, found ourselves with overflow of emotions, stress and still feel that we are compromising big time in our living standards where we are minimising on our food and groceries even on the very basic needs and clothing and fashion just because it’s differently traded here.We need the local knowledge on where to get cheaper stuff, what and where are the local activities that is both economical and relation building and lots of thing so that we can have a better life together.It’s difficult to only be able to see eye to eye once or twice a month due to hectic routine, work time zone difference and sleep patterns which often leads to doubting if after all this, is our relation gonna survive??I have not shared some of the very concerning matters for both of us here which but yes there are some repetitive behaviours of both of us that are now getting on the nerve causing not a pleasant environment and makes us avoid coming in front of each other (or try to give more space to avoid conflicts) that it really makes me worried if there is a light at the end of the tunnel ….I hope I get to hear your side of the stories and someone to relate to or talk to ….
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