full image - Repost: M21 Feeling Trapped and Numb in My Long-Distance Relationship with F21—Desperate for Advice (from Reddit.com, M21 Feeling Trapped and Numb in My Long-Distance Relationship with F21—Desperate for Advice)
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Hi everyone,I’m a 21-year-old guy, and I’m really struggling in my long-distance relationship with my 21-year-old girlfriend. We’ve been together for about 2 years, but I’m starting to feel completely trapped and numb, and I’m not sure how to move forward. Here’s what’s going on:Controlling Behavior: At one point, my girlfriend became extremely restrictive—she didn’t want me going to university, the gym, or even grocery shopping. As a result, I lost a lot of weight and got really sick. She’s very caring when it comes to my health and insists I see a doctor whenever I’m unwell, but she often assumes she knows best about everything because she’s a doctor. This causes tension, especially when she dismisses my opinions on health matters. Although she’s tried working on this behavior in the past six months, I’ve become so emotionally drained that I struggle to react when she needs me. She still gets upset when I talk to my family, saying I’m not prioritizing her, which is exhausting.Trust Issues and Privacy Invasions: Early in our relationship, we shared social media passwords, but she constantly monitors my interactions and goes through my chats. I almost never do the same to her. She uses my accounts to follow things she’s interested in, even when I’ve told her it bothers me. Sometimes, out of anger, she’ll follow pages I dislike, ruining my experience. Recently, she started changing the passwords and authentication methods, locking me out until I apologize. This feels manipulative, and I’m losing any sense of autonomy or trust.Religious Conflicts: We come from different religious backgrounds, and while I’ve tried to respect hers, she often insults mine, even though she knows it’s a sensitive topic for me. When I try to learn more about her beliefs, she accuses me of insulting her and her religion. I’ve pointed out some inconsistencies, but she dismisses them as "old-fashioned," which leaves me feeling unheard and disrespected.No Peace or Space: I no longer feel at peace—not on my way back from uni or work, not even before important days. She expects to be my number one priority, but sometimes I just need to focus on my own responsibilities. Even when I plan special days just for her, a fight beforehand can drain me of the will to go through with it. It feels like I’m constantly walking on eggshells.We’ve discussed these issues many times, but I’ve become so numb that I just want some space—not a break, but time to do things I enjoy, like hiking or networking, without feeling guilty. But when I try to explain this, she gets upset and accuses me of not loving her anymore.I’ve asked friends for advice, and while many suggest breaking up, others say to keep trying to make it work. I’m exhausted and don’t want to pressure her into changing; I want her to come to realizations on her own. But I’m scared that I’m losing myself in this relationship, and I don’t know how much more I can take.Has anyone been through something similar? How do you balance your own needs with those of a partner who expects to be your top priority? TL;DR I have been in a long distant relationship of 2 years and ive grown number due to many factors, and want to know how to improve thins with my partner and I who have different values
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