full image - Repost: Somebody please HELP ME!! (from Reddit.com, Somebody please HELP ME!! )
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I'm literally losing my f**king mind here and now.Quick back story: Me and now separated wife were together 14yrs (married for 7). We have 4 children. Right now they are 13f-10m-8f-4m. Ten years ago we made the decision that I would solely work and she would be a stay at home mom. We both loved it until 5 years ago. She started to slack on her commitments and let the house go. No cooking, cleaning, dishwashing, laundry, homeschool, nothing. She gave up mentally and physically. Id get home from a ten hour day and would have to cook, clean, bathe the kids, ect. 2 years ago she asked for a divorce. I humbly left and bought an enclosed trailer and turned it into a house. I parked it behind my mom's house and settled in (against my will). I paid all her bills for 6 months till she got a job. I.e. rent, fuel, electric bill, water bill, car insurance, phone bill, etc etc. I got my kids for 3 days a week and would sleep in my van at her house (my old house) 4 days a week and watch the kids while she did uber eats graveyard shift. I couldn't bring myself to sleep in the house that had all these happy memories for me (14yrs same house- rental). I struggled so bad with depression and suicidal ideation. I heavily used drugs to try and cope and be numb. I used hallucinogenics to try and figure out why and who I am (she made me think I was a narcissist, I initially believed her). Recently:1 year ago she lost her mind. Literally with schizophrenia. I did a job in North Port florida for 2 months and when I got back I went to her house and she hadn't turned the AC on or open the windows (humid Florida) and the house was full of mold. The septic tank backed up and she didn't do anything about it and there was fecal matter in two bedrooms and the bathroom. The kids were not taking care of at all. They were dirty and hadn't showered in weeks. Eating scraps cuz she spent all her EBT money on shit for herself. The kids had no discipline, consequences, schedule, chores and spoke to her however they wanted. They all slept in one bed even though there were three bedrooms. She coddled them and treated them like babies and never let them be independent. I was and are the opposite. I'm trying to teach them how to be independent and how to live their life. I try to give consequences and repercussions for their actions. So that day I took them from their house and they came to be homeless with me behind my mom's house. Not by choice but out of necessity. It was bad y'all. And now I sit here after 11 months of raising them alone and I'm about to lose my mind. Ive been totally clean for about a month and I want to relaspe SOOO bad. I'm trying to cook, clean, do dishes, laundry, work, showers, discipline, etc ALL BY MYSELF! Im one person. My mom hates us all and is 78yrs old. She does not help me. I even pay bills here. Their mom lost the house, her car, her phone, her possessions, and most importantly her mind. She made the worst financial decisions I've ever seen anyone make what. She's (their mom) been Baker acted seven times in the last 6 months. Present : My 13 year old is cutting herself and wanting to not be alive. My 10 year old is addicted to video games and that all he wants to do. My 8 year old is mean to everyone and throws tantrums all the time. My 4 year old doesn't listen to anything I say and thinks he a teenager. I'm at wits end!!Because my 13yr old went to a behavioral health facility. On a Baker act. CPS came to my house with the police officer a week ago. They investigated me and the children, took pictures, looked at everything and said case closed, it actually went pretty good. We have access to water power a shower a place to cook we have a fridge all that. But we all sleep in a little trailer and my 13 yr old daughter sleeps in my van. They don't listen to me I keep telling them the same thing over and over and they don't respect me at all. I'm giving them consequences like taking their phones and electronics but it's not working. I do not know what to do. I'm alone and have no help. No family no network no community no church nothing. I've reached out to a few organizations but they aren't doing much because the system seems to think that father is having under control. I'm here to tell you that I do not. I could use some advice from anyone please!! I feel like I don't even want to be their father anymore and it sucks because I love the s*** out of them. I didn't even want to have more kids after I screwed up with my 27-year-old but they're here and I love them. I'm still not legally divorced so I don't have actual full custody but they are in my custody and their mother is still suffering from schizophrenia. She doesn't contribute a dime and hasn't at all and doesn't do anything for her kids. She had a job as a hostess at a restaurant for a few months and didn't even think about giving me a dime for these children. I filed for divorce and full custody but haven't gone through with it because I'm so stressed out about my situation that I'm not trying to put more on my plate. I sound like I'm rambling but I just need to get this out cuz I'm f****** losing it. Any advice would be gratefully accepted and truly appreciated. There's so much more to the story but for sake of brevity I didn't write it all (sorry for the long post if you've read this far)
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