full image - Repost: Should I Stay In Contact With My Ex (from Reddit.com, Should I Stay In Contact With My Ex)
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I am having so much trouble with this, my friends, partners, and therapist all seem to think a clean break is definitely for the best. That being said, I'm torn, here's a brief rundown:He lied to and manipulated me for two years, usually to get me to feel bad (he would change what I had said, and make it more vitriolic over time, a lot-would lie about accommodating my needs and trap me in compromising situations-he would only remember a fraction of what I said and get angry at me (ex. I told him I would be seeing my other partner on Wed or the Weekend, maybe both, and he would get mad on wednesday because he only remembered the weekend))He suppressed any negative emotions I had about the relationship, and often guilted me for having them (I would regularly stay up late holding space for his emotional needs, and when I brought up that I needed to get to bed on time he took it as an insult, and guilted me for saying it for some time after-when he closed the relationship he not only never gave space for the pain that caused me, but guilted me over it)He always made me feel inadequate (he would consistently pressure me to come out for the weekend, and make promises that it would be okay if I was exhausted, then would criticize me for days or weeks if I was too tired to play with his kid or hold space or have sex-worth noting, I was working 60+ hour weeks and he was unemployed)He would not listen when I said that his criticisms of me, and needs for me were making me anxious (I loved him, and wanted to be around him, but not being allowed to be touch-averse or too tired to do anything made me self-conscious and anxious. Whenever I brought this up, he shut me down and took as an insult, or made promises that he had no ability or intention of keeping)He mirrored trauma from an ex when we re-opened (lied to me, manipulated and gaslit me, and suddenly deprioritized me)I have my doubts about his sincerity throughout our relationship (aside from the copious lying, he would make a lot of "most" and "best" statements about me, and within a month or so of talking to his new partner he was saying them about the new guy. I feel like maybe I was never that important)On two occasions he admitted to not being able to have empathy for me (I had to walk him through the whole concept of assuming someone else's position, and trying to feel the emotions they would be feeling. He said he couldn't, and that he needed me to just tell him. I'm not sure if it was just those moments, just me, or if he is incapable of empathy)He has lied about me to his support network, and is capable of harming me without considering the impact it will have. I am scared he will lie to destroy my life.He responded to me attempts to break up with him by telling me he would kill himself, three times, with increasing lying, manipulation, gaslighting and shittiness every time.He values his own emotions exceptionally above mine. The discomfort of telling me a hard truth, or letting me leave the relationship were paramount compared to the effect of lying, or keeping me in the relationship with suicide.He has never shown that he holds himself accountable for any of this. I think the most I have ever gotten is "I'm sorry," with no specific admission of anything he has done. Any time I do bring up something specific he deflects, denies, claims it isn't a big deal, or that I deserved it somehow before occasionally admitting to something, that he retracts within days.But also:He wants to change and be more honest, and I'm the first person he's been this honest withDespite everything, I love the man he is, blemishes and all. And I want him to be as happy as he can be.He respects my desires for NC when I make themSo, should I keep talking to him and trying to help him be more honest with people?
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