full image - Repost: Disappearing Far Away… (from Reddit.com, Disappearing Far Away…)
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Do you ever feel like if you were to move far away from everyone you know and love, you wouldn’t miss a single person?For most of my life I’ve been a very social person with a pretty good network of friends and a decent home life. I’ve always put on a mask of happiness and hid anything other that because thats how everyone has known me to be, but for a while now I’ve had these overpowering urges to just disappear off the face of the earth and never be heard from again. Literally become a ghost and starting a new life. I always find it weird because in the time of these feelings I never have a feeling of “what about my family and friends I’ll leave behind?” ”I should miss them right?”, but in reality Ive always said I really don’t care and wouldn’t miss a single person. That nobody in my life could be a factor in keeping me here. Does that make me a bad person? I tend to overthink EVERYTHING so, I’m constantly wondering if this makes me some sort of emotionless sociopath and if all those friendships I’ve made over the years and connections I have with family members are really real on my end. Or is it something ive blindly done because it’s the human nature and I don’t truly have feelings towards them at all. Is it normal to feel like this? Is this because I’ve always felt like I’ve never been able to truly talk about my feelings and open up to my friends and family about anything deep including depression,addiction, or just how I’m feeling for fear of rejection and ridicule? I feel like my whole life I’ve been living a lie by suppressing and downplaying my feelings and trauma by constantly putting on a mask of fake happiness and invested in people. Is me having these feelings a byproduct of doing this all my life?
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