full image - Repost: NEED ADVICE - Cause I feel like a horrible person (from Reddit.com, NEED ADVICE - Cause I feel like a horrible person )
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Long PostHello. I literally never do this and have never posted on here but I find myself needing advice about my situation. I (25F) and my bf (25m) have been together a few months after rekindling. I’ve known him for 6 years in total and we dated previously for 4 years, broke up and recently got back together. I am the one that “spun the block” on him but after being back together and settling into the relationship I realize I don’t want to be with him anymore! And I feel terrible. The beauty is he treats me well. Very loving, affectionate, words of affirmation and he’s just a great guy truly. But my biggest hang up is the money, (and before you call me a gold digger or whatever hear me out) I graduated from a prestigious university where I was actively involved in many things on top of being a student athlete and he has not earned a bachelors degree but has completed his associates. My issue with him is that he says he wants to be married and have kids which I can see with him but I am struggling with believing he can provide and he has no concrete plan that I can support to make me feel otherwise either. I have expressed to him that his lack of plan concerns me because I have been fortunate enough to grow up very privileged, spoiled and from an abundantly loving family. However, I was also raised to be grateful and the importance of ambition and hard work. While he comes from the struggle. No dad in the home. Family is not tight knit and single mother household. Knowing this I do empathize and try to understand his situation but I also feel like at some point I need my man to just be a man! When I ask what his plans are for his life he says “I’m going to be a millionaire.” But like what does that mean? That tells me nothing and I don’t know how to support that. When I confront him he gets defensive and mad. Keep in mind I am currently applying for law school, running a business, working a full time job, and coaching a varsity sport. He is a teachers Assitant. Which I’m not shitting on or is saying that’s bad but he has acknowledged that he hates his job and it doesn’t pay enough (once told me he only got paid 20k a year). I am willing to understand but he also hasn’t moved to apply to new jobs or seek out additional education to position him to make more money nor has he pursued anything to make additional income or put him different rooms to elevate. When I ask him what he wants to do with his life his answer is always something different. It was trucking, a dispensary, an autism home, build a gym, become a school teacher and now it’s trading. Which he has been studying for but this is the same thing he told me 4 years ago when we were Initially together and he is still “studying” to become a successful trader but has made zero trades. I don’t know enough about it to say if that’s good or bad but I do know you need to put money into to find success. Which he really doesn’t have. I’m just scared. I do come from a strong family and I have a father that is the epitome of a provider and not just financial but he’s a get shit done type of a man and I long for that in my partner. But my bf isn’t that and it makes me uncomfortable because I do believe in doing marriage once and also understand the “business partnership” portion of marriage and I don’t believe he would make for a good partner when it really came down to the stuff. If we remove sex and the way he makes me feel, I could not look to him to help me or be able to support me if I needed it. So my question is how do you know when to stay or give up? I love him and I’ve had the conversations but he’s just not listening. And to be honest his financial situation makes me insecure. And he’s asked me to apply to law school in the state he lives in and I’m scared to tell him I don’t want to do that because I don’t think he’s ready. He still lives with his mom and hasn’t made moves to get his own place nor has he talked about it but he wants me to move to where he is with literally No plan? And on top of it all his mom treats him like a husband and he gives her money often and pays for things for her even at the detriment of himself which I can understand on some levels cause like that’s his mom but at the same time is too much. Like there’s times he’s bought stuff for her and it ended up causing us not to be able to see each other because he didn’t have the money to spend to see me. Keep in mind we are an 8hr long distance relationship. So every trip is a flight. I think outside of the money it’s also the ambition and lack of responsibility. He actually has great ideas about things but refuses to execute or even attempt one thing. I’m okay if whatever you desire doesn’t work but like you won’t even attempt? He’s just “studying” for trading. I don’t know how to support him and I don’t even know if it’s worth supporting because he’s never stuck with anything or tried anything. I often times feel like the man in the relationship and it’s not just because of the money (I am the bread winner x3) I’m looking at his thought process and the way he goes about handling business and I just don’t have confidence in him in that area. He just works this dead end job and thinks he’s going to wake up one day and be the best trader and doesn’t grasp the idea of stepping stones or elevating yourself to make more money until you reach your goal of becoming a successful trader. He gets off of work at 3pm and goes home to study and that’s it. Like there’s so much time to go network, get a certification or SOMETHING!! So am I being shallow? Do I stay or go? Does the love outweigh the money? I just don’t know and I don’t want to hurt him. But I do know he loves me.
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