full image - Repost: AITAH Re mom's behavior (from Reddit.com, AITAH Re mom's behavior)
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Trying to give background but also keep this short; which may be challenging: I grew up with a mother who I think has a personality disorder. I spent most of my life into my adult life believing I was the problem: I'm a bad angry person.My mom gives everyone silent treatment at the slightest thing. Cries to my dad over things my bro and I do. (I'm in my 40s btw). I spent most of my adult life married and ignoring them, coming around time to time for holidays and pretending to be cheerful while my mom pulled her shit with my brother and his wife (who since divorced him and blocked my whole family.. dont blame her). Some years back when my child was under 2 my husband died. Becoming a full time parent, losing a business partner, having to become a full time mom and full time dad is HARD. My dad was supportive early on. He did a lot for me. On that note hes not like my mom but always caves to her BS b/c he'll end up with silent treatment too if he doesnt. My mom wanted to play with my kid and stuff. I thought maybe things would change now that I'm older and a relationship might be more normal. My dad would come do work at my house as needed. Mom would sit around and play with my kid and call it "help". But it didnt it got worse. Now we arent on speaking terms mostly. And it's b/c of things such as follows. Now part of the issue is my parents want to see my kid but dont want to do anything but play with her. I've tried expressing to them its frustrated to grow up in a highly religious family who sits in church my entire life listening to the Bible's commands on helping widows and children but then they insist their only role is to play with my kid, spoil her, send her home with behavior problems to me. My mother insisted she helping by keeping my kid while I work, only to send her home needing all necessities as such I get no play time with my kid while "grandma" is the favorite. I cut it off. I said its not helpful. It wasnt my idea in the first place it was hers, then it was held over my head as "helping me" and of course I"m berated for never being grateful. This has been the trend my whole life. My view was my child suffers for not having a dad, to no one's fault. But helping her is only benefiting her. And she's a child. I asked for small things to her benefit. There were some occasions where, for example it was my moms day to have her and I felt she was getting sic by the time my mom got her (my child suffered persistent ear infections as a baby). I gave them a credit cards said can you take her to urgent care please she needs it before I get off work (Its' a network that already has her stuff on file). Mom said no. It's my responsibility. I guess my mom just wanted to chill with a child that wasnt feeling good. So I had them bring her back so I could pay a college student to take my child to urgent care while I worked. I feel this is unfair to my child. My view is that grandparents dont have to be involved, but for them to unilaterally decide how the relationship will go is entitled. I dont feel grandparents are entitled to a grandchild... especially one to play and keep them happy at their beck and call while refusing to do anything that helps the CHILD. As the final example today: a week or more back my parents mailed me a letter that came to their house from the church they attend with my child when shes there. It's an hour or more from me. It's a schedule of sunday school kids things.... well of course I cant do it its 2 h away round trip, we have a church here. Today is the deadline to respond. Mom asks my kid (apparently) f I got the letter. Kid says no. Mom texts me that kid said I didnt get the letter. I said I got it, not sure why she mailed it to me b/c its events at their church 2 h away round trip. I explain (as I have many times) I am not able to go b/c I run non stop working, doing her school (homeschool due to my work schedule). Mom claims she "didnt know whats in the letter" but also conveniently today is the deadline to respond. Interesting coincidence. Things like this irritate me to no end. B/c after them happening over and over I feel it's just my mom playing dumb games. Throwing things in my face, asking my kid about a letter when she cant read, knowing the letter is full of events 2 hr away round trip that we cant go to. I feel like if seh really wanted to help my kid she could offer to take her or just not say anything at all as to not upset her. If she never offered I would never be upset either. It's this constant grind of "you dont have time for you kid" "Im a better mother". We always have a praise what a great mother she is, even though seh constantly throws temper tantrums at any little thing.seh also stood me up for a day I was having surgery once. That was somehow my fault too. AITAH for being rubbed by these things.
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